Here we are.
It’s been a hot minute since I wrote, and I have so many hikes to catch up (both in posting and actual hiking) but life has been incredibly chaotic these past few months, and getting any kind of momentum has been hard to achieve.
Last month, I went back to work full time after being a primarily stay at home wife/mom for the previous five years. It’s been a challenge, to say the least, but the biggest hurdle has been doing this 100% on my own. Our divorce is quickly coming to a close, as we just await our final hearing, and my husband has moved out of state for his new job.
Divorce has been funny. It’s amazing how massive life changes will make people run for the hills and out of your life. Don’t get me wrong — I have some pretty amazing friends and family who have been incredibly supportive of my decision, and it has actually brought me closer to friendships that had faded a little over the years. For that I’m grateful. But it’s been shocking to see those that I thought would be there suddenly end up fading into the background, never to be heard of again.
And that’s fine. I have zero hard feelings about it. Truthfully.
Divorce is hard. Not only on the individuals going through it (it hasn’t been pretty, that’s for sure) but I think when people just don’t understand, they don’t feel they can be supportive. There was no abuse. There was no infidelity. It just WASN’T … and I don’t owe the ins & outs to anybody. So when they aren’t living it, and can’t see it for what it was, they can’t find a way to be supportive. That’s my guess at least.
We were very good at putting on a front. From the exterior, we had a great relationship. Many of the people that I have slowly started to tell have been shocked. Even six months after I initiated this, a majority of the people in my life still don’t know, and that’s OK. Above all else, there is mutual respect for each other, and while I am generally a “share all the things” kind of person, this needed to be private, while we worked through it all.
I also think there is the issue of loyalty as well. Lines have been drawn, whether we asked it of our friends or not (spoiler: we didn’t). When you have a 15 year long relationship, a lot of mutual friends happen. The need to choose sides, I think, is there, and it’s been obvious that I’ve been on the losing end of that choice a few times these last few months.
And that’s OK.
So here we are. The final chapter. I’ve done the solo mom thing before, thanks to life with the military. I haven’t done it while working full time, and it’s exhausting to say the least. But this is the hardest part of this point in life, and I know that we will find our groove, find our routine, and find the path that we need to be on. It could be worse. It can always be worse. So for now, I’m finding gratitude in the day to day, in my boys, and in a good co-parenting relationship with their father, while also giving myself some grace as I navigate these new waters.
Onward, for sure.