Last Wednesday, at approximately 2:00 PM, my divorce was finalized in the eyes of the law. It was emotional … more so than I thought it would be, as I had truly come to terms with this direction in life a long time ago. I’ve started the process of moving forward, and grieved the loss of my marriage a long time ago. Truthfully, probably before I even spoke the words of what I wanted back in November.
I found it slightly ironic that my first full day of independence as a newly single women just happened to fall ON Independence Day. The universe has a way of playing tricks on us, to remind us to laugh despite the sadness and hurt. Knowing it was a four-day weekend off of work, and knowing I didn’t want to sit around the house alone all weekend, I promptly went out and got buzzed on Wednesday night with my good friend, and then packed up my car Thursday morning and drove to Moab, Utah.
Moab had LONG been on my list of places to visit and hike. I’ve heard such great things from those I know that have visited, and I knew there was something special about the town. Arches National Park alone was somewhere I was dying to see. I spent two nights in a truly unique environment, soaking in the wonders of the world, and finding myself once again.
I want to write about all the things I did individually (I visited Dead Horse Point State Park, Arches NP, Canyonlands NP and Black Canyon of the Gunnisons NP on my way back — all deserving of their own novel here!) but what I can say is this:
For the past year or so, every time I hit a trail, my mind was constantly stressed. It was frustrating to want to be somewhere, to release my anxiety and truly be “at one” with my surroundings, but it rarely ended up that way. My head would race with questions. What was I doing with my life? Why was I so unhappy? What kind of mother was I? What were the consequences of my actions? Question after question after question.
But not this weekend. This weekend, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I was able to hike and truly be a peace with my surroundings. For the first time in a long time, I felt JOY and RELIEF, while also taking in a deep appreciation for what I was experiencing.
For the first time in a long time … I felt like myself again.
I cannot wait to share this experience in further detail, because truly, every park I visited was different than the others, with it’s own experience and awakenings of such. But I will say this … Moab is a magical place, that’s for sure. A small town, with so much appreciation for it’s surroundings. It was beauty that I had not seen before, and I truly look forward to the day when I can go back — hopefully sooner rather than later!
Coming back on Saturday night was difficult, not only because my vacation had ended, but because it forced me to face the reality of what is next in my life. But I’ll say this — I am 100% up for the challenge. I believe the universe will guide me in the right direction, and continue to show me that this IS the path I am meant to be on.
And I cannot wait.