I read something recently that said, write things down during this time. Remember your feelings during this time, but also remember the good. I loved this advice. As someone who used to write a lot, I’ve been battling my feelings — good and bad — while we’ve been on lockdown. So, here we go.
So HOW are we doing? It would be difficult to get everything in one blog post, but here is what I can tell you now. We are in Colorado, which means we are on week three of no no school (distance learning starts next week), and under a stay at home/shelter in place order. And it’s been … interesting. I feel the best way to do this is just get caught up with where we are, and then go from there. I guess?
For those that don’t know, I’m a single mama to a 6 & 8 year old boys. My family all lives in Washington state, and my ex husband is out of state as well. So, it’s just me. Social distancing, while I fully support it, is hard in these circumstances. My tribe, who I rely on for so many things, is not accessible physically these days. Emotionally? Yes. Physically … no.
I’ve had a lot of dread and panic these last few weeks, wondering “what if.” That dread was so bad that my anxiety, which I can normally manage on my own, was out of control. What if I get sick? (news flash: I did.) How am I going to get groceries without endangering my kids? I am working full time remotely (something I had to fight for initially), and I am grateful for that … so many of my friends are without jobs in this time … but how am I going to get a full day of work in while also making sure my kids get the education we need?
But you know what else? There are a lot of positives in this, too. At least, things that I’m working on seeing. I’m getting more time with my kids. Our time is better QUALITY as well. Our mornings before all of this was chaotic. It was fast paced, and hurry up, and get ready. Our evenings were usually the same. Rush to pickup from daycare. Rush to do homework. Rush to eat dinner. Very little quality time together before bed. We lived for the weekends, but we were so exhausted that there never seemed enough time to catch up or really do anything. And while we can’t leave the house (well, we shouldn’t. That’s a whole other argument), we’ve got more snuggles, less fighting, and way more love (not that we were lacking in that to begin with, but you get it). We lay in bed in the morning, snuggled together, talking and laughing. There is less fighting. Less yelling. More compassion and ease. We have an easier path during our day. This time with my kids is everything I’ve been wanting this last year. Everything I’ve been missing is being given to me. While there is still a lot of chaos (again … still working full time and kids), we’ve been forced to slow waaaaay down.
And I am grateful for that.
This is still scary times. We should not minimize that. There are precautions that we need to be aware of, and we need to take this time seriously, and do our part. Being a solo parent, I still carry a lot of fear with me every day, but I am trying to find the good as well.